July 29th: Take a Hike!! July 29, 2009

Between the book of face, “blogging” about Isaac on Totspot (http://dangerboy.totspot.com/profile) and blogging here about fatty fatty boombelatty I sometimes end up ignoring one. Sorry for the delay in info!

This morning Isaac and I went walking in the woods. So far today I have walked 4,120 steps. Which I know is good but I really thought the hike would have resulted in many more steps!
I think I’m going to have to start working out in the evening. Since I can’t seem to get myself up and out of bed before the boys wake up, it’s really the only other time. I am just worried that I will ruin my already spotty sleeping habits! suggestions anyone?

Oh! I bought a great book called “Hungry Girl 200 under 200″, it was recommended by a friend and it’s 200 recipes for under 200 calories! little mini meals throughout the day. They look very yummy too, use ingredients I can find and won’t be scared to cook with and seriously look pretty darn delicious so far! Going through and dog earing faves now and will make a meal plan soon for shopping. yay!

Song for today: Make you Feel My Love (of dieting and exercise….no? not believable?) “I could hold you for a million years” man, it doesn’t get better than that, does it?

Hugs,
Fatty McB.

We found tracks!!

Day TwentyBirthday!! July 24, 2009

It’s my birthday. I’m having some dark chocolate. Suck it critics!!!

Hugs,
Fatty McYum.

turn this one all the way up, sing along, pretend you smoke, pretend you have a million admirers, pretend you look great in red lipstick: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3Kvu6Kgp88&feature=related

Day 20: I am woman, hear me….complain. July 20, 2009

I have felt like complaining a lot lately. An amazing cure to this was a dinner 2 nights ago with a fantastic friend.

You know those friends who just get it? get you? I am blessed with quite a few of these friends and was lucky enough to take one to dinner Saturday night. She can empathize with what I’m doing and is very supportive. She knows that during this process I’m going to talk about food and weight a lot, but she also knows that I do not want to be talking about food the rest of my life! She knows how easy it is to get too over-analytical of oneself. She knows the damage that judging yourself too harshly can do. She knows that it’s frustrating to realize that for this to be successful I have to set down a path of self discovery and life changes that I wish I didn’t have to take on. It was very nice to have someone verify my complaints but tell me that it’s just the way it is and I can do it. Thanks B.

Today I got a lot done. Laundry, cleaning, took a ton of boxes to the truck, rented a storage unit and unloaded the boxes. Good sweat and a good arm workout. Forgot to wear my pedometer all day so far which bums me out because there were many steps taken there!! I am going to go to Ikea this week and explore a few new parks and walking paths so I’ll remember to have it on then.

This song I have been playing a lot lately. “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier” pretty much sums up the past week for me. I’ve got to fight! (Insert ‘battle of the bulge’ joke here). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw2vBYBE24Y

Werk ze!
Hugs,
Fatty McB.

Day 17: walky walky walky July 15, 2009

Total steps on the pedometer: 5,137

Exercise today:
Took a walk down the street to the store and back, I think it was a little under 1.5 miles round trip. Pretty good pace as Isaac was either running or in the stroller. Got my heart pumping even more as Isaac threw a tantrum the likes I have never seen in all his little (created by ME, and he should remember that!) life. Right in the store, full blown, jerk-face meltdown. I don’t really get embarrassed by episodes like this, I would hope that most people in the store have either lived through this with their own kids or can at least sympathize. What gets me is the complete lack of reasoning that goes on…which is my problem. I’m trying to put ‘reason’ into a tantrum of a 3 year old. Anyway, the tantrum went on most of the way home too so it got me walking fast and furious to get home and send him to nap!

Food:
Breakfast – half cup of organic granola w/ nonfat plain yogurt, dash of cinnamon, dash of honey.
Lunch – left over turkey taco meat with multi-grain chips
Dinner – Crackers w/ peanut butter, grapes and a 100 calorie pack of cookies (dinner of champs huh?!)

Hugs,
Fatty McB.

Playing with the "wiggling water snake" which promised to turn my backyard into a waterpark...or just a muddy mess...either one.

Paco being the silliest.

Day 16: Demolished that to-do list…or at least took a good chunk out of it! July 14, 2009

Steps walked today: 4,883….how the heck am I going to get that up to 10k a day?!

Exercise today: Took a walk around the block (or 2 blocks), it wasn’t very cardio as I had a dog and a scootering & easily distracted kid, but it was still movement! How can I hurry my child up if he wants to stop and pick beautiful dandelions for me to put in my hair? That’s pure love!
And then I got my heart pumping a bit packing up boxes, moving them around and moving furniture. Again, not the best, but still movement.
Also I washed the kid and then the dog. Two activities that the normal person would never count as exercise but I’m sure I sweat out a few calories at least right there!

Food today: Breakfast – Egg & egg white omellete. Turkey bacon (pales in comparison to the real thing).
Lunch – Well…for lunch I had some gluten free crackers with smart balance on them. Neither smart nor balanced. I was on a roll with decluttering and staging the house. No excuse.
Snack – Raw almonds.
Dinner – Turkey tacos.

Total Weight Lost: 6.5 pounds

After dinner Paco and I were watching TV and a weight loss ad came on tv. The lady yelled at me “I LOST ELEVENTY MILLION POUNDS JUST BY HOPPING ON ONE FOOT WHILE WINKING AT A DEAD SAILOR IN MONTHS THAT START IN P!” (or some sh*t along those lines…) and paco turned to me and said “Oh no Mommy! What did she lose?!” he was so sad for her. It warmed my heart that he looked at it that way and hasn’t been tainted by the world yet. I told him it’s ok, she was just talking about weight loss. He turned back to the tv and I stared at him in awe of the amazing childs brain. So innocent, so kind. Then he looked back at me and said “Mommy, you haven’t lost anything have you?”……Why that little bastard!!!

You guys might hate the song for today but it was good motivation today while packing and moving. And watching Isaac sing “I like the boom boom POW!” while punching the floor is just about the cutest thing ever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9F444CELomo

Hugs,
Fatty McB.

Day 14: I’m ok, You’re ok. July 12, 2009

I don’t think I’m alone in feeling that sometimes, when you are feeling out of sorts the only thing that helps is “sad” music. It’s like you just need to soak in the mood for a while to get over it. When I’m in that mood it’s virtually impossible to cheer me up and snap me out of it, ask my family! It’s like I need to marinate in the feeling, own it and then get over it. When I felt this way as a teenager I would get on the ferry that ran behind Centraal Station and just sit on the outer deck with my Walkman & mix TAPE and ride the ferry back and forth for ages….MEL-OH-DRAH-MAHHHH!!!!! Uncalled for but still a feeling, almost a comforting feeling, that I can recall at the drop of the mind. I used to listen to this song and the Twin Peaks soundtrack. (Oh to have the worries of a skinny 15 year old once more!!!)

THEN, when my brain is over the drama of it all,  I can be cheered up. This absolutely did the trick today:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q–qvrZOrdA

Not to sound too over-emotional, it’s not like I was hiding in my bathroom this week cutting myself. I was quite content this week, just an underlying mood that took me all week to figure out. Not a pity party, just a reflective time. It also helped that I got an email from a friend that has known me forever and confirmed with me that I have always been a mix of introvert and extrovert so it helped me get over this manic “who am I?” situation.
Next thing to deal with: if I’m not “the fat friend” then who am I? This one, albeit scary, is easier to deal with because the ultimate answer is “I don’t care, as long as I’m skinny!!”

Ended week 2 at still just 6 pounds lost, my own fault and I need to take charge of this and remember I’m in control. Pedometer is here and I’m going to try to remember to use it everyday and get in some form of exercise every single day.

Hugs,
Fatty McB.

Day Ten: I give up on rhyming… July 8, 2009

Today was a bit of a down day for me. Not diet wise, just mood wise. And I’m not even sure why. There was probably a reason but I’m so bad at knowing myself that it’s not drifted to the surface of my conscious mind just yet.

Somber is a good word for it, not incredibly sad, but not overly happy either. One of those days when, even though it’s beautiful out, while on the road there’s the perfect amount of wind in the hair as you are driving down a straightaway and a song comes on the radio that just makes you…..pensive….introspective….somber…but not sad. It’s the mood that pops up every once in a while that makes me wonder if I shouldn’t have been a maiden roaming the cliffs of Ireland, windswept hair, searching the ocean for her long lost love, with beautiful music blaring….oh and constantly in slow motion too.

I think I’m an odd mix of extrovert and introvert. Sometimes I crave to just be left alone. Other days I go damn near insane when I don’t have interaction with friends or family. It’s odd how the moods come day to day, I can’t predict them or explain them.
I think part of me has always been that way, just a touch melodramatic!
This quest to not be Fatty McB anymore started quite some time before this blog did, mentally at least. And I have often wondered if the me that I am now is the real me or the fat me.

Am I sarcastic (and loud) because that is my personality or am I compensating? Am I really an introvert or are those the days my self esteem is not what it should be? Or maybe I’m not really an extrovert but I put myself out there so that people believe I’m happy as I am?
I recently filled out a personality profile, there were 4 personality types you could fit in, I was tied with 3 out of 4 of them. The 4th one I didn’t score even one point in, that was the peaceful, let others take the reigns type of personality…I already knew I wasn’t that one.
So is the real me really stretched across 3 personality types or were some of my answers given as the “now” Sarah, the person who has changed to fit what I am now? And if the real me is being hidden by this different person, how do I get me back? Christ….

I’m also having trouble visualizing skinny me. Do I need to visualize it to stay on goal?
I watched the end of an old Biggest Loser episode yesterday and at the end the newly thin contestant did the typical bit where she held up her old fat girl pants and then dropped them to reveal the new size 8 or whatever she was. I can’t imagine doing that. It might be because I have always had a problem seeing myself as big as I am….which is WHY I’m in the problem I am in now!
I see that I’m fat, I see that I’m not happy with the image in the mirror. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t think I’m as big as I am or because I can’t visualize myself ever being skinny again.

Right now I’m watching So You Think You Can Dance. This show makes me so happy but pretty sad too. Bittersweet, like when I see video of Amsterdam. So happy but so sad to not have that city anymore. When I was younger I can’t think of much that made me happier than the way I felt when I was dancing. Why the hell did I stop? Stupid teenage decisions. I think I danced for a good 12 years and sometimes when watching this show I wonder what I could be doing had I never quit (or grown boobs…).

I need to snap out of it and stop living in the bittersweet memories which are stagnant and start living in the future options and decisions I’m going to make for myself, which are….terrifiying, I mean exciting!!
Here I go…this is me…snapping out of it….any minute now…ok….

Hugs,
Fatty McB.
Inside of me there’s a skinny girl screaming to get out….because I ate her.

Song for today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fBj2wsimvQ

Day Nine: Feeling….le sigh. July 7, 2009

I have to admit something….I had french fries tonight with dinner, they just fell in my mouth!! I did so good ALL day and broke down tonight. Today was filled with yogurt, salad, hard boiled eggs, fruit. All of it filling, this was not a hunger beyond belief impulse decision. It was a very sober and childish decision to have what my brain wants.

I regret it….no, I don’t, that’s a lie. They were delicious. But I am feeling this weird bad feeling about it. I think it might be called shame, or guilt. I don’t know, I’m not very familiar with this feeling, it’s all so new to me. I’m sure the regret will be in full swing when I weigh myself this week. Oh Fatty….when will you learn?

In other news, I ordered a pedometer last week and it should be here very soon. I’m excited about that, I’m going to work up to at least 10,000 steps a day.
I also ordered myself some new clothes. I have 2 pairs of capris and they are old and it will just not cut it for the summer. I know it’s not the smartest financial decision to buy clothes as I’m about to lose weight and it’s clearly not being kept as a reward when I hit my first goal but wearing ragged clothes (especially as a mom of a 3 year old who looks and feels raggedy all day anyway) doesn’t help my mindset and positive outlook. And Old Navy’s 50% off online sale doesn’t really constitute breaking the bank.

Hugs,
Fatty McB.

Song for tonight:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbJrHGLwFlg

Day Eight: Masticate! July 6, 2009

Total weight loss in week 1: 6 pounds.

Obsession with magazines: Alive and well thank you (purchased 4 today!)

If you know me, it won’t be a shock that I occasionally say things that I should just keep as thoughts in my head. This flog (fat + blog) is no exception. I’d like to discuss something near and dear to my…..rear.

Ass Sweat. I know I’m not alone, but I think I probably suffer more than most. Not only do I have my fathers sweat glands the extra poundage I lug around is a major culprit, especially in the summer. There’s nothing more self esteem building than stepping out of your car on a hot day and knowing that you probably have two nice semi circle wet spots cradling your bottom. And if you are really lucky you get the nice dark wet line down your crack. Not much can be done to prevent or hide it once it’s done it’s perspiring best, you are S out of luck. You might get away with calling sweat on the face a “glow” but there is no positive spin to put on ass sweat. It is, what it is. I just hope that once I lose a significant amount of weight I can suffer a bit less from this hot weather affliction.

Today we had a good day walking around the Sanatoga outlets, got Isaac some sneakers. Then we watched the small planes and helicopters take off and land at the local airport. He absolutely loved that. Then it was back to play in the backyard for a while.

I still have not gotten to the gym this week or had much of a workout, except for the gardening yesterday! I have got to change that this week!

Hugs,
Fatty McB.

Song for the day:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DArtWpCU-IE&feature=PlayList&p=F62AD245CA5CBDAE&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=25

SO excited to watch the planes and rescue "hopcopter"

Showing me how the planes take off

Day Seven:….um…Heaven? July 5, 2009

Maybe I should stop this rhyming thing.

So how fun are fireworks?!? I just love them and could watch them every weekend and never get tired. We watched some local fireworks and quite possibly saw a firework explode on the ground but we’ll just play that off as intentional. And at the end a board of fireworks lit up to say God Bless America but it sure looked like Bud Bless America to me, Bud Bless You.
An awesome night and I did very well at the bbq. Some chicken, some meat and cheese from a stuffed pepper a few chips and guac, only half an alcoholic beverage and some veggies. More importantly, a fun day with good friends.

Today I definitely got my exercise in!! My family came over and helped us get the whole entire outside of the house prettied up for sale. Good ol’ curb appeal. It was estimated that we did at least 45 man hours of work in one day with us all building, weeding, digging, edging, planting, mulching, sweating, cursing (i’m good at that), chopping, lifting and burning. Couldn’t have done any of it without all of them and I’m so thankful!!! Turns out gardening is a fantastic, if not painful, work-out!!

Didn’t stick to a meal plan today but didn’t go crazy either. A sandwich (which isn’t great but it wasn’t high fat) and some multi-grain chips and some gatorade, that was the bulk of the day so I’m not feeling guilty. We’ll see what the scale says tomorrow.

Hugs,
Fatty McB.